The Best:

Everything
You simply can’t go wrong here. It is a classic that is especially wonderful to anyone who likes salty/savory items. An Everything Bagel is like a plain bagel with a little personality. I have endless words for how much everything bagels mean to me. It’s the food I eat to fill the void in my heart.

Asiago
When has cheese and bread ever been a bad combo? The best Asiago bagel were sold at Costco until they eventually got rid of it. That is flat out disrespectful. I have been served an asiago bagel that was burnt and some black in some places and it was still absolutely delicious.

Rainbow
A plain bagel wearing a full face of makeup. It doesn’t actually change anything about the bagel itself but it sure is pretty. Anyone who hates this is a truly unhappy human being.

Neutral:
Blueberry
Is it my favorite? No. But I can respect it. Similar to my feelings about Ariana Grande.

Chocolate chip bagel
While it isn’t my personal choice I would never turn it down. I’m not sure what kind of cream cheese you would eat with this and if you go into with the expectations of a chocolate chip cookie you’re going to get disappointed but still a solid option.

Garlic Onion
The Pete Davidson of bagels. Draw your own conclusion from that.

Plain
Everything bagel that gave up on its dream job and now works a 9-5. Still good, crushed dreams build character.

Worst:
Multigrain
Unless you’re eating this for the sake of constipation, I don’t get it. In which case stop punishing yourself and just use Mira-LAX like the rest of us.

Whole wheat
I know you think you’re better than everyone for getting the “healthy option” but we only pity you. This cardboard excuse of a baked good and if you like it then please consider getting over yourself.

Spinach
No

Cinnamon Raisin
This might be one of the most unpopular opinions on this list, but I cannot think of one time I have had a Cinnamon Raisin bagel and didn’t make a face. I don’t understand the appeal.

Salt
Everything bagel wannabe. I don’t actually have a huge problem with it but at that point just get an everything bagel. Unless you are one of those people who only season things with salt in which case you have bigger issues.